loss of time

don’t you just hate depression and how it eats chunks of your time, your life, your essence? i’m struggling today and am feeling a myriad of emotions…still doing my best to avoid the trap of self-pity. parts of me wishes i had always kept to myself and remained faithful to my art, but i also understand without my experiences i wouldn’t have seen just how much being a creative meant to me. i would’ve continued to take my talents for granted. i now have a newfound gratitude for them.

i can’t help but to feel “rushed” now, as if there is so much to do, so much to make up for lost time. i keep telling my inner self to be still and quiet, what is for you has not passed you yet. i have strong faith in God and that is what has kept me going for this long. i may doubt many things, including myself, but my faith in God is the one thing i never doubt. i know He has held me through the darkest parts of my journey. it makes me smile to think of it.

still…i am human after all. the pressure of time gets to me. when i stand back and see all of the wasted minutes, the false friendships, the evil eyes, it makes me feel a need to rush to “catch up” to where i believe i should be. there is nothing worse than wasted potential. i need a constant reminder that everything has happened the way it has for a reason. and that i am not “too late” to pursue my many dreams and passions. if anything, my past experiences have helped pave the road that i am now walking on.

so if anything, it’s yet another thing to be grateful for.

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